The IPL
is finally over, and KKR were deserving champions. What better way to celebrate
its conclusion than by pointing and laughing at the worst performers? For every
Dwayne Bravo, there’s a Ravindra Jadeja lying around.
Here’s my list. If you think
someone else is more deserving of a spot, put it down in the comments and I’ll
be sure to argue against it.
1) Paul
Valthaty (30 runs @ 5.00): I’ve
heard of sophomore slumps, but this is ridiculous. A high score of 13 and a
strike rate of 58 in six innings – he looked as comfortable as an armless man
at a high-fiving convention. He can most certainly be blamed for Punjab’s slow
start to season.
2) Kumar
Sangakkara (200 runs @ 18.18): Just an awful season for one of
the world’s leading batsman, both tactically and technically. He looked
mentally AWOL for most of the IPL, but made a good move by agreeing to sit out
for someone else. On return, he made his only innings of note (82) as Deccan’s
season picked up towards the end. None of it was due to him, though.
3) Manish
Pandey (143 runs @ 20.42): Very similar stats to Sangakarra –
his average only gets boosted to 20 because of the one innings of 80*. Take
that away and he averages just 9 from the other innings. He wasn’t helped by
Pune’s peculiar selection, because when he wasn’t opening, he was coming in at
numbers six, seven and even eight (I think). This is the same guy who was banned for four games for wanting more money, by the way.
4) Sourav
Ganguly (268 runs @ 17.86): Has
he played his last IPL match? We’ll never really know. He gave his fans the
biggest gift by not staying on at KKR (not that he had a choice). He wasn’t the
sole non-performer for Pune; however, he was the captain, and not a very
inspiring one. My theory is that he is now under the control of the evil alien
living on his head, that suspiciously looks like his hair.
5) Saurabh Tiwary (191 runs @ 23.87): He needs to switch teams. Never should
have left Mumbai, really. That’s only our opinion though – he could have made
15 golden ducks in a row and he’d still be getting paid $1.6 million (which is
a LOT of rupees, by the way). His high score was 36*, just in case you wanted
to know. If you didn’t, watch him bat – it’ll put you in a temporary coma, from
which you will awaken having forgotten that little factoid.
6) Dinesh
Karthik (238 runs @ 18.30): Another
member of the no-fifty club. How does a talented batsman, gifted with timing
and innovation, fail so miserable in a format he is suited for? He joins the
Mumbai Indians, that’s how. You can tell that joke at parties, I’ll allow it.
7) Parthiv Patel (194 runs @ 17.63): Third keeper batsman on this list,
with the same mid-forties high-score like Karthik above him. Parthiv is only
effective at the top order with pace and bounce to manipulate (typical
small-guy technique), so we’ll never know what Deccan’s logic was for sticking
him in the lower-middle order, especially with a more aggressive, in-form Kedar
Devdhar sitting on the bench.
8) Yusuf
Pathan (194 runs @ 19.40 and 3
wickets @ 60.66): A true all-rounder, he failed with both bat
and ball. After being the Man of the Match in the qualifier against Delhi, I
thought he’d made it off my list for sure. A woeful performance in the final put him
right back in it, and rightfully so. (Irfan averaged 25 with the bat, having a
strike rate of 139 in case you wanted to compare.)
9) Harbhajan
Singh (6 wickets @ 64.00): This
one’s a no-brainer. And by no-brainer I mean both the decision to put him in
the Worst XI, and Harbhajan himself. The nicest thing I can say about him is
that he has managed to unite every fan in their utter dislike for him.
10) Andre
Russell (47 runs @ 23.50 and 1
wicket @ 161.00): It’s not just the average that set me off,
it’s the economy rate of 10.06. And he played most of his games in the crucial
closing phase of the IPL. Morne frikking Morkel was dropped for this
guy, for the sake of balance. Even Iknow
that losing a match-winning bowler for the sake of maybe 15 extra runs from the
all-rounder is, for lack of a better word, bollocks.
11) Manpreet
Gony (3 wickets @ 69.00): Dale
Steyn, bowling his heart and lungs out at one end, the likes of Gony and Sudhindra
bowling at the other end. That’s all you need to know about Deccan’s failure
this season, really.
[Honorary
member] Sreesanth
(0 wickets @ 0.00): I have never written a “Worst XI” piece
without mentioning Sreesanth, so I couldn’t just leave him out. Get well soon,
my favorite targe
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