Dhoni can act too!

Frustrations of a friend of a retired cricketer’s son:

A very reliable source revealed that close friend Ajay of retired Indian legend, Rahul Dravid’s son, Samit complained to the source (who is Ajay’s close relative), regarding his father’s early unexpected retirement. He recalls Ajay’s frustration as he said “Who would have thought Rahul uncle would retire so early! Ever since he has retired he never misses a chance to play with us in the evenings. We used to enjoy playing closely fought T5 or T10 matches between our teams. The fierce competition, the unnecessary fights for petty issues after matches have all disappeared. Nowadays we play in a serene environment, clap when opposition batsmen crack merciless boundaries and shake everyone’s hands after suffering a humiliating loss. For the record, we nowadays only play boring test matches! In fact our last match started 10 days back and we have just reached lunch on second day till now and Rahul uncle is still batting. His record is 400 runs not out. He never gets out! The worst part is after the match when we normally used to go to roadside chaat shops and eat whatever we wanted now we have to go to Samit’s place and have toast and jam! I feel like asking uncle to start playing again. He should learn from Sachin uncle!” in one breath reminding vividly of the 5 minute speech against women by one of the actors in the Hindi movie, Pyar Ka Punchnama.

 Dhoni can act too!

During the IPL, Indian captain M S Dhoni’s latest advertisement had been released on television in which he talks about how we should keep on trusting them regardless of their performance just because he wielded a twisted piece of wood to play gully matches at a young age. There is also a place where Dhoni gets emotional in the process. The advertisement manager recalls the incident “We had prepared onion juice so that it will be easier for Dhoni to get emotional. But he is such a natural! He enacted it perfectly without artificial assistance! He should start acting in movies. I rate him better than Salman Khan, at least in emotional scenes”

Another Indo-Sri Lankan fixture:

ICC (on the insistence of BCCI) has agreed to organize a match between India and Sri Lanka in Hong Kong for raising funds for tsunami victims between the semi-final and final of World Cup 2015. When asked about the purpose of having such an inconsequential match at such a critical phase of the tournament he responded “BCCI and SLCB have decided on the number of matches to be played between them every year and they were coming one short due to the over-packed calendar in 2015 although we had thought of organizing one in India’s tour of Ireland by converting one three day tour match to a two day but decided against it! On the other hand we are also trying to encourage cricket in Hong Kong so that they play higher forms of cricket than just Hong Kong Super Sixes in which they are a pretty formidable side”

Vijay Mallya’s choke reply:

Vijay Mallya has reacted strongly to allegations by several tweeple that RCB is the IPL choking equivalent of the South African international team after the humiliating loss to Deccan Chargers in the must win game. “How can they label us as chokers? In our daily post-match parties, our players gulp down whole grapes, popcorn and nuts simultaneously with different kinds of liquids without choking and even when they do tend to choke sometimes, I give them a pat on the back and everything comes out. Maybe the problem was I was not allowed on the field during that match!”

Harsha’s Extraaa Innings debut:

Harsha Bhogle recounts the first day of IPL 5 after the opening ceremony how Navjot Sidhu inexplicably interpreted the glamorous opening ceremony as a spiritually elevating experience. He recalls “I could not believe how he was describing the glamour and dance extravaganza from a spiritual perspective! I also got to commentate in full-fledged Hindi for the first time. Frankly speaking, it was kind of difficult but it was a good experience overall.”

Munaf the aggressor:

In a recent IPL match, Indian McGrath Munaf Patel was seen arguing aggressively with one of the on field umpires. The reason for the altercation is still not revealed but it is rumoured that he heard one of the umpires call him a quick leg spinner.

Sponsored IPL speeches?

Even before ICC has succeeded trying to make DRS mandatory, IPL chairman has ordered teams to make “Sponsored speeches” mandatory and follow it consistently like the Pond’s fairness cream commentary team. Dhoni decided to implement it in one of his post-match speeches. It went like “Well of course it was a hard fought match. But I personally feel that the Nokia play of the day was when Ashwin took the Maruti Suzuki hat-trick. It was a bit tense when Kohli and AB were consistently hitting UltraTech Cement boundaries and Center Fresh sixes but the remarkable Karbonn Kamaal catch by Bravo brought us back into the match. God bless the MRF blimp!”